E05 - Do you need to forgive to heal? A deep dive into forgiveness.

Forgiveness is one of the most confusing topics and divisive topics in spiritual communities. Some believe that forgiveness is a pathway to healing. Others resent the concept of forgiveness. Some others believe that forgiveness is not necessary in order to heal our wounds.

This conversation is a deep dive into the concept of forgiveness. We discuss if forgiveness is a prerequisite for healing and empowerment... Or if forgiveness is an outcome of healing, something that we arrive at instead.

In this episode I discuss:

• Why do many people have a hard time forgiving,
• Why what some of what people think is forgiveness is actually spiritual bypassing,
• Why what some of what people think is forgiveness is actually repression or suppression of their hurt
• One of the key necessary steps that will make forgiveness more accessible.

This episode has the potential to clarify a lot of the misconceptions that you may have about forgiveness and how you can arrive at forgiveness in a healthy way.

Thank you for listening and sharing if it resonates.

If you would like to deepen your healing and transformation journey, join our membership community THE INNER ALCHEMY CIRCLE, so that you may learn how to lead your life from your heart and not your wounds.

Much love,
- Xavier

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Transcript

0:01

Hi everyone, and welcome back to Inner Alchemy conversations. I'm excited to be here and to go through the theme of today that is forgiveness. And I'm really excited to go through it because forgiveness is in my opinion, one of the most confusing thing. For people out there. People have a whole lot of beliefs that may not necessarily be aligned with what is the essence of forgiveness at least in my opinion. So I would like to lean in there and I would like to clear a lot of the misconceptions that can come up when we talk about forgiveness, when we relate to the word forgiveness, and actually, how to arrive at forgiveness. And I didn't say hear how to forgive. I said I'll to arrive at forgiveness and I'm going to explain even more why I put things this way, but before we even lean into the conversation, Inviting you to dive into what are the beliefs? What are the thoughts? What are the feelings that came up as I even mentioned and worded forgiveness. Why did he bring up within you? And I'm really inviting you to pay attention to all of it? Because we carry a lot of baggage about forgiveness, or all lot of baggage. And I'm going to display a few of that baggage, that I'm aware of. Some of it is religious baggage. Some of it is spiritual baggage. Some of it has to do also with like cultural baggage, you know, a lot of us believe that forgiveness. Ness is the pathway to Healing. I'm inviting you to pay attention to the wording, the pathway to Healing, meaning, you need to forgive in order to heal. And another can another idea would be foregiveness, is the outcome of healing. Another idea would be. If you are not able to forgive. Which is very often an assumption that people make. If you are not able to forgive therefore, there's something wrong with you. If you're a good person, then you should be able to forgive easily, too, relieved, to let go to move on. And this is very often something that a lot of people that are navigating deep pain and I'm going through deep healing, have a hard time welcoming either. They use it as a as another way to reinforce the belief that there is something wrong with them, or they use it to shame them even more. They use it to other another way to amplify a belief in Brokenness. Owen. Worthiness. And on the other end of the spectrum. You don't see a lot of concern, a lot of people believing, you don't need to forgive at all in order to heal. So I'm just going to display all of this. And I am not going to say oh this is right. This is wrong or that's not my place because I am truly. I want us to believe her, but I really welcomed the idea that in every single step of Your journey, you tend to embrace the beliefs and the perspectives that work with you in that moment. And in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with it, like every single step of your healing journey, transformational journey growth, the journey. There are some bull the way you relate to a specific thing. Like forgiveness is going to shift. and at some point in time is specific, Paradigm of thought about forgiveness is, what is going to serve you and when it is not serving you, any more you can move on. So, I really want to Anchor here. Regardless of how you relate to the word forgiveness, in this moment. It really is. Absolutely okay. So therefore the perspectives that I'm going to offer here, I'm inviting you to listen with your resonance. And if there is anything that I'm inviting you to remember from this whole conversation, let your resonance. Your true resonance, be your highest guide. I'm just here displaying perspective. So I would like to dive in there. With the first question is forgiveness, something you do or is forgiveness something you arrive at? And in my opinion, forgiveness is not something that you do. Forgiveness is something you arrive at forgiveness is an outcome of releasing forgiveness. An outcome of healing. Forgiveness, is an outcome of purging all the dance emotions that were stuck in your body and let me explain. Very often when we go through a painful. Experience, hurtful experience. You may call it trauma. If you want, when we go through these hurtful experience it, and someone did something that really deeply impacted you. What happens is we have dense emotions. You may call them anger, grief sadness, rage. All these emotions are anchored in the body as a response to what just happened. And very often we have Twisted relationships with these emotions. Meaning, people have a hard time being present. With these emotions. I for one. I know that I had a hard time being pregnant with the other motions. I spent a whole lot of my life running from Shane Running From sadness running from my own anger. And sometimes I would have it leak as being passive-aggressive being over reactive. So we as human beings we have such an aversion with to being present with this dance emotions and because We don't want to be present with them. One of the emotional exhaust, pipes of human consciousness, which is feeling things allowing yourself to compassionately. Feel what is in your body fiegel? All the emotions that are here without losing yourself in the Whirlwind of these emotions that still allowing yourself to be fully present. This is one of the big aspects of what I call all emotional exhaust, pipe because these feelings were never meant to stay stuck in your body that anger, that sadness, that rage. That bitterness that resentment. It was never meant to stay to to remain anchored in your body. So very often what happens is because we are not willing to be present with all these different emotions and we just want to move on extremely fast. We want to get to a place where we are done with the event where we are fully emotionally mentally, functional, the way we expected. So we push on ourselves expectation of forgiving Well, I need to forgive. I need to let go. I need to relieve and it is actually very very hard to do it without feeling the emotional signature. That was anchored with you within you because of the event. So very often what happens, we are not able to forgive. Boucher most also not being able to forgive. And we stay in this rat race of holding within this density, and then judging ourselves for not being able to move on. And whenever we happen to relate to that person again, and it can even be a close relationship in your own household. Somebody says something that hurts you deeply and you weren't able to really feel you unable to really welcome, all these different emotions or suppress them. Therefore, you have some resentment there is bitterness. Truly alter the nature of the relationship. So here is the interesting thing instead of trying to Fly Above All, these feelings that are stuck in your body, allowing yourself to meet them, with compassion creates a purge within your emotional body. It creates the relief and until you are able to meet the part of you that was hurt with compassion. It is really going to be challenging to access forgiveness. It is really going to be challenging to access forgiveness. So, what is the whole point here? The whole point is mentioning how forgiveness is not actually what you do? Forgiveness, is something that you arrived at after. After you've done the work of being present and feeling and navigating the hurt and the pain. After you've done the work of like really approaching the pain entering it and learning how to emerge from it. After you've done the work of reclaiming, your power forgiveness is really hard to do from a place of helplessness. The part of you that was wounded, the part of you that was hurt the part of you that felt powerless. Does not have the possibility to forgive in my opinion, the victim within you. Does not have the capacity to forgive because the victim within you needs to be met by your own compassion by your own. Love your own acceptance. And when you are able to do that, it enabled, the capacity to be able to forgive and this is the place where usually people are not willing to be present with the depth of all these different emotions. And this is where the work is. That is the doing forgiveness is enough for in forgiveness, is something that you arrive at, and you get to that point where you are able to check within your internal system and The charge Has Lifted. And in that moment offering forgiveness is something that is really, really easier to access. And this is really the point of this conversation. So that forgiveness is really as one of my mentors saves emotional forgetfulness. And why is it emotional forgetfulness? Because you reach a point where you allowed yourself to really feel to really Purge to really release everything that was in your body emotionally. And therefore, the charge is not present anymore since the charge of not present anymore. It gives you a new degree of agency. You do not relate to yourself anymore as the person that was abused as a person. That was hurt. As long as that pain is within you, you still happen to relate as the person that was hurt. And from that emotional standpoint. It is really hard to forgive to move on to let go. If the story that is still alive within your Consciousness is the story of how much the other person hurt you from that place. It is hard to offer forgiveness. So if you are feeling this This is a way for me to maybe validate what you're going through. If you haven't been able to forgive. Maybe this is a way for me to just validate you experience a little bit more and to bring up to the surface to bring to your awareness of the possibility that maybe you haven't met fully and compassionately the part of you. That received the emotional blow. Dr. Hurt created that the event created, whatever that event was. Maybe you haven't met that part of you. Come up with enough Compassion. Maybe you haven't seen that part of you. Fully. Maybe you haven't held that part of you fully. Maybe there are still some remnants. Of density of sadness, of hurt of pain within you. Maybe this is actually what you need to do a little bit more in this moment. Maybe just, maybe, maybe this is where some of your efforts need to be. Dedicated. Maybe it's not yet, you know, forgiving. Maybe it's not trying to change the the perspective that people have about you. Maybe it's not trying to forgive so that people see you as someone that can let go. So that people can get to a place where they are, not saying any more that you are holding a grudge that you just a bitter person. Maybe you can let them have this conversation for a while. As you allow yourself to tend even more to the wound. As you allow yourself to really be present, even more the part of you that was wounded. And here's what I know. The more you allow yourself to lean in that place. To really hold compassionately. The part of you that was heard, the part of you that was wounded. The part of you that is still hurt, holding internally, all of that hurt and pain. What you create is what I would call emotional real estate. You create more emotional spaciousness within yourself, you allow yourself to thrive to the place where you do not see yourself anymore. Like, someone that was taken advantage of you. Start seeing yourself, like someone that has a little bit more agency like someone that reclaimed a little bit more power and I'm actually inviting you to lean in that place with very much selfish reasons, which is Allowing yourself to hold your parts that were wounded compassionately so that you may heal and not initially. So that you may forgive. Not initially. So that you may not be seeing any more has as someone that is holding grudges. But so that you may heal so that you may uplift your energy so that you may uplift your vibration. So that you feel as if you have more control on your life. So that you are able to go out there and to be more in alignment with who, you know, yourself to be and not so that you can forgive And let forgiveness be the gravy. Let forgiveness be the extra leg forgiveness. Be the one thing that you arrived at and the one thing that you declare or you offer as another way of liberating yourself and embodying even more, you're empowered and authentic self. So I'm really offering this perspective forgiveness is an outcome of healing. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite. It's an outcome of healing. It's an outcome. And the doing is not unforgiveness. The doing is on allowing yourself to heal, allowing yourself, to be present with everything that has been stored in your body. This is where the doing is. And if you're watching this, if you listening to this, wherever you are receiving this information transmission, however, you want to call it. I'm inviting you to do an internal. Check in. I'm inviting you to begin to explore. What are the things in my life that I still have a hard time? Forgiving, I'm inviting you to check in what ideas, emotions dance, the motion that are still alive within me because your inability to forgive in my opinion. It's pointing at parts of you that Still in pain, it's not because you are unworthy. It's not because you're not loving enough. It's not because you're not good enough. It's not because you are just somebody that is holding grudges because in my opinion, your essence is love. And when you will be at a place where you gave love to the parts of you, that felt wounded, that felt hurt the parts of you that are still holding onto density within your body. Forgiveness is going to be the next natural outcome. And again, it doesn't mean forgetting mentally. It means forgetting emotionally that place where the charge that was once hindering your expression. The charge that was once hindering the way you would show up in the world is being destroyed. Held and this is the ultimate Reclamation of power at least in my opinion. So I hope you enjoyed this conversation and I want to thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. If this resonated with you, I'm inviting you to share it with people who might benefit from this whole conversation to really share it. With people who might benefit from this whole conversation. And if you are really interested in diving at a deeper level in your own work, really Reclaiming, your power, getting to that place, where you feel a little bit more whole rather than getting rather than standing. In that place where there is an inner battle within you a bottle of Parts where you are navigating the world feeling completely dysregulated or an integrated. I'm inviting you to check my in alchemy Circle membership Community. This is a community where we are dedicated on doing the work and this is a community where You will learn in my opinion, things that will help you reach your next level of expansion. I'm inviting you to check it out. Thank you again, for listening. I send you so much love, and I'll talk to you soon.